Self-Protection 101: Protecting Your Cool Whereas You Battle
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Navigating the U.S. well being care system can really feel like a “battle royale.” From difficult unfair medical payments to wrestling with insurance coverage corporations over pre-authorizations, sufferers must be prepared to stay up for themselves.
So, how will you keep cool and assured in these fights? On this rebroadcast of “An Arm and a Leg” from 2020, host Dan Weissmann hits up self-defense coach Lauren Taylor about methods for standing up for your self and hears how she utilized her method in her personal battle for well being care protection.
Dan Weissmann
Host and producer of “An Arm and a Leg.” Beforehand, Dan was a employees reporter for Market and Chicago’s WBEZ. His work additionally seems on All Issues Thought-about, Market, the BBC, 99 % Invisible, and Reveal, from the Heart for Investigative Reporting.
Credit
Emily Pisacreta
Producer
Adam Raymonda
Audio Wizard
Ellen Weiss
Editor
Marian Wang
Editor
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Transcript: Self-Protection 101: Protecting Your Cool Whereas You Battle
Word: “An Arm and a Leg” makes use of speech-recognition software program to generate transcripts, which can include errors. Please use the transcript as a instrument however examine the corresponding audio earlier than quoting the podcast.
Dan: Hey there – Earlier than we begin, I simply wish to say THANK YOU for supporting our work right here. Due to you, we beat all of our targets for the tip of 2023.
Meaning we collected each greenback of matching funds that have been on provide — and since so many people turned donors for the primary time, we earned a bonus from the Institute for Nonprofit Information.
So we’re beginning this yr in fine condition, which is nice, as a result of we’ve bought some large initiatives deliberate.
Thanks a lot.
Now, in much less pleasant information, I’m combating a bit bit with my insurance coverage firm proper now. Or … is it the hospital billing workplace I’m combating with? Each retains sending me again to the opposite. It’s … an excellent time.
There’s a First Help Package e-newsletter in all this, however for now I’m struggling to seek out the hours for all of the cellphone calls, and to maintain my composure.
On that final word– retaining my composure — this looks as if an excellent time to carry again what would be the most helpful episode we’ve ever completed, from late 2020.
You prepared? Right here we go.
I bought a voicemail from a listener named Amanda Jaffe. She’s been listening to our episodes about of us who battle again in opposition to insurance coverage corporations and outrageous payments. And she or he says she’s sort of a bulldog herself on these items. BUT she says there’s a snag. Possibly you may relate — I undoubtedly can.
Amanda Jaffe: Once I name the insurance coverage corporations, I begin to get indignant to some extent the place possibly it’s unproductive. So I would like some steerage on easy methods to stay cool when calling insurance coverage corporations. Thanks. I’d actually need the assistance.
Dan: YES. I’ve been occupied with this for months and months. We’ve been listening to from individuals who battle and battle, and generally win, and a few issues maintain getting clearer:
ONE: You’re in all probability gonna spend a LOT of time on the cellphone, plenty of it on maintain, and plenty of it with individuals who, for one purpose or one other, usually are not gonna appear that useful.
And TWO, I maintain listening to again and again: You’ve gotta maintain your cool. OK, positive.
However I maintain questioning repeatedly: OK, HOW?
And at this time, I believe I’ve bought precisely the particular person I’ve been searching for.
Lauren Taylor: My title is Lauren Taylor. I run Defend Your self in Washington, DC, and we train folks abilities for stopping harassment, abuse, and assault.
Dan: So for like a YEAR I’ve been describing this present as being targeted on self-defense in opposition to the price of well being care. And Lauren is an precise self-defense instructor. Has been one for thirty-five years.
And it seems self-defense — the way in which Lauren and her colleagues train it — is NOT simply the hitting and the kicking. It’s defending your self in opposition to every kind of … encroachment. Road harassment. Creepy co-workers. Simply standing up for your self. You may’ve observed, Lauren mentioned her group teaches folks abilities for stopping harassment, abuse, and assault.
And abuse … I’m undecided that’s too sturdy a phrase for a way the health-care industrial complicated treats folks.
So, Lauren herself is simply wrapping up an EPIC battle along with her medical insurance. And she or he has been utilizing self-defense abilities all alongside the way in which. I’m not going into all the main points.
Lauren Taylor: There’s been so many issues. I actually can’t bear in mind all of them.
Dan: However we talked via them– as a result of she’s bought ’em written down.
Lauren Taylor: That is additionally a self-defense factor, which is doc, proper?
Identical to you’d with a stalker or a office harasser or, uh, even uh, An abusive companion, is doc every part as a result of, you may want it
Dan: You train this within the class.
Lauren Taylor: Oh yeah.
Dan: I stroll in, assume I’m gonna discover ways to want any person within the nuts. And also you’re like, “get a pocket book.” I’m like, wow.
Lauren Taylor: Individuals, folks do stroll in pondering they’re going to discover ways to, , knee somebody within the groin, and we do train that. however I can’t let you know how usually in evaluations folks inform us that they have been fully blown away by all the opposite stuff that they study, which is actually about empowerment.
Dan: Sure. Sure, please. Let’s have a few of that.
That is An Arm and a Leg — a present about the price of well being care. I’m Dan Weissmann. I’m a reporter, and I like a problem. So my job right here is to take probably the most enraging, terrifying, miserable points in American life– and YES, there’s a bunch of these, however I’m sticking with this one– and produce a present that’s entertaining, empowering, and helpful.
And right here we’re.
Right here’s Lauren’s deal: It begins the early Eighties,
Lauren Taylor: I had saved up cash and I used to be gonna take a while and journey on my own. And a pal of mine informed me a few self-defense class that she had taken. And I assumed, “Oh, that’s a extremely good concept. I ought to in all probability do this if I’m going to journey on my own.”
Dan: She says it modified her life. Like, as a teen, she’d handled a LOT of road harassment. She figured, man, that’s simply the way it goes.
Lauren Taylor: And I had at all times thought that if anyone tried to rape me, there can be nothing I might do as a result of by definition they’d be greater and stronger than me.
And the actual life-changing piece of the self-defense class was realizing that that was unsuitable. It was realizing that I had energy and that I might harm any person who was making an attempt to harm me.
Dan: How did that really feel?
Lauren Taylor: It’s, it’s completely life altering. I imply, even now, like, simply inform it to you. I nonetheless really feel like a rush of vitality via my physique saying it.
Dan: It’s thrilling. It’s like, holy shit! I’m not helpless
Lauren Taylor: Yeah. I can defend myself. Yeah. And I’ve energy and, and . An enormous piece of it is also I’ve permission to do that and I should be protected.I deserve to have the ability to defend myself.
And all of these usually are not messages that, you recognize, most of us get rising up nonetheless. And definitely not after I was rising up. So, it’s sort of like, caught the fever after which needed to unfold the gospel of self-defense.
Dan: So, she’s been instructing self-defense since 1985.
I requested her: So, how did it change your life– past the truth that you began instructing it? Like, what did you do in a different way?
She says for starters, she did take that journey, and there was an evening or two that didn’t go in response to plan: Her place to crash fell via, she was out late, misplaced, a bit scared. And she or he took out a pen, so in case she wanted to harm any person, she’d have a pen to harm them with. She did NOT have to make use of it, however having a plan helped her maintain cool.
However that wasn’t the large stuff. The large stuff was standing up for herself in different methods. Like when her boss in a full-time volunteer gig began sexually harassing her.
Lauren Taylor: Whereas earlier than I might have preferred, you recognize, suffered and wrung my palms and journaled about it and known as 12 pals and, thought possibly there was one thing unsuitable with me and you recognize, all of these issues I didn’t do, I used to be identical to, Actually no, don’t do that.
Dan: After which what occurred?
Lauren Taylor: Ge just about minimize it out.
Dan: YEAH. After which there was her mother. Who did NOT deal nicely with Lauren being homosexual. It was painful. After which there was the ultimate straw:
Lauren Taylor: We had a big household reunion and She didn’t invite my companion and she or he invited my siblings companions.
Jesus, ouch. They’d had plenty of conversations. Now Lauren set a tough boundary. She put it in writing to her mother:
Lauren Taylor: There are some staple items I would like from you, or I’m not going to have the ability to keep involved with you. Proper. So, if there’s a household occasion, My companion will get invited , that’s self-defense
Dan: That first self-defense class Lauren took had not coated Dealing With Tough Household Members, however Lauren says she’d gotten the message:
Lauren Taylor: It was okay. to require sure sorts of respect from folks. it was okay to be who I used to be, that wasn’t my fault that individuals handled me as lower than all of that sort of stuff.
Dan: And by the way in which, Lauren says the courses she leads now, they DO cowl all that sort of stuff.
In different phrases, self-defense covers a LOT of territory. The large concept: When you’re in a tricky spot, you need some choices.
Lauren says she provides college students a five-part framework– 5 sorts of choices.
They’re: Run, yell, hit, inform, and go alongside.
They usually’re not all literal. Like, RUN is …
Lauren Taylor: Depart stroll away. Don’t present up for the appointment, break up with the particular person, something that makes you not there.
Dan: And she or he says by YELL, she means: Use your voice.
Lauren Taylor: Assertiveness or deescalation or negotiation, or, you recognize, that’s not okay with me or don’t come any nearer or, you recognize, I received’t come to household occasions in the event you don’t invite my companion. Proper.
Dan: “Yell” covers plenty of territory there.
Lauren Taylor: All the pieces along with your phrases just about.
Dan: All the pieces with phrases you employ with the opposite particular person. As a result of there’s additionally TELL. Which she says imply — additionally actually broadly — get assist.
Lauren Taylor: It may be getting assist in the second. uh, this particular person is bothering me. Can I stand with you? After which there’s, longer-term getting assist going to HR, going to a hotline, , speaking to a lawyer,
Dan: Posting to social media.
Lauren Taylor: Posting it. Proper. precisely.
Dan: Hit is — nicely, it’s really hitting. They observe that too.
After which there’s the final one: Go alongside.
Lauren Taylor: We would like folks to know that that’s an possibility, proper? We’re not saying. At all times resist. We’re saying resistance is profitable far more than you’ve been informed and far more than you consider.
However there are occasions when, going alongside, is the neatest and most secure factor so that you can do. And for instance, if somebody’s making an attempt to take your property, proper, if it’s a mugging, And also you wish to get out of there, unhurt, the neatest and most secure factor to do is to present them your property.
Dan: Yeah. I believe you may in all probability see the broad outlines of how this might apply to wrangling along with your insurance coverage firm or combating unfair medical payments. I imply, discuss a mugging.
It undoubtedly jogs my memory of one thing I mentioned once we began this self-defense sequence: We’re not gonna win ’em all. We simply don’t must lose all of them both.
So, that’s Lauren’s framework.
Subsequent: Let’s study some SPECIFIC strategies and the way we are able to begin making use of them. That’s proper after this.
This episode of An Arm and a Leg is produced in partnership with KFF Well being Information. That’s a non-profit newsroom overlaying well being care in America. Their work is terrific, wins every kind of awards yearly. I’m so proud to work with them.
OK. The way to really USE self-defense strategies with medical payments and insurance coverage BS.
We’ll begin with an instance from Lauren’s epic health-insurance battle this yr. We’re not gonna get into the story– it’s too lengthy, too bizarre, and it’s not even actually over. BUT we’ll zoom in on a second when Lauren’s on the cellphone and the opposite particular person opens by throwing up a roadblock, saying, YOU in all probability did one thing unsuitable.
I’m like, Argh, I’m already indignant. What do you do now? And Lauren’s like, “I stayed on my agenda.”
STAYING ON YOUR AGENDA. It is a entire self-defense factor. Lauren walks me via it:
Lauren Taylor: Right here’s the method. Okay. One thing’s taking place. You recognize, like any person is harassing you on the road or no matter …
Dan: Otherwise you’re calling your insurance coverage, and the opposite particular person is being REALLY unhelpful.
She says you ask your self three questions, on this order: First, how am I feeling? It’s in all probability not nice.
Lauren Taylor: I’m terrified. I’m indignant, I’m upset. I wish to cry. I really feel humiliated.
Dan: Good occasions. That’s the primary query: How am I feeling?
Second: What do I would like? Which is extra big-picture: Must get a secure distance, want respect.
Third, what do I WANT? That is extra particular– what would you like from the opposite particular person:
Lauren Taylor: I need you to take your palms off me. I need you to take three steps again. I need you to knock earlier than you are available in my workplace. I need you to cease making racist jokes. no matter it’s, you flip it into what I need you to condemn, and that’s your agenda. What you wish to occur is your agenda.
So. Then once they do no matter people who find themselves misusing energy do, which is usually. Guilt journey you or making an attempt to control you or blame you want, nicely, why have been you there? Why have been you carrying that? Why did you get drunk? Um, it’s only a joke. Um, why wouldn’t have mentioned it, in the event you hadn’t blah, blah, blah, or why you being such a bitch?
Um, you recognize, all of these issues are to get you into their internet of dialog and off of your agenda and also you keep in your agenda. So if I say to you, don’t ask me about my private life whereas we’re at work. And also you’re like, Oh Lauren, you’re so delicate.
Dan: Yeah, I’m altering the topic. Abruptly, we’re not speaking about what you need. We’re speaking about my notion of you. And you could have a reasonably sturdy impulse to deal with that– Like, “Oh, geez, am I?” Or, “I AM NOT”
Lauren Taylor: However as a substitute I’m simply going to say once more, “Hear, Dan, I requested you. I solely wish to discuss work at work. And I actually don’t like answering private questions at work. So please cease asking me.” That’s staying in your agenda.
Dan: And so how did that occur in these cellphone calls?
Lauren Taylor: I simply saved saying what I wanted or. I might maintain saying so what’s the following step? What can we do from right here?
So as an illustration, Lauren performed out a protracted, lengthy set of calls along with her medical insurance firm AND the state workplace that administers the Obamacare alternate in Maryland, the place she lives.
At any time when they hit an deadlock, she requested, “What’s the subsequent step?” Ultimately, the following step was: file an attraction via the state lawyer normal’s workplace. Lauren known as, and the primary particular person to select up the cellphone didn’t have a super-encouraging opening line.
Lauren Taylor: She was like, nicely, I’m positive you missed a deadline. And, um, as a substitute of claiming, I didn’t miss any deadlines as a result of then we’re into her dialog.
I mentioned, so please inform me extra about easy methods to attraction. Proper? As a result of you recognize, she in all probability talks to 100 folks a day and, you recognize, folks make every kind of errors and you recognize, it’s an enormous headache to her, I’m positive.
Dan: So Lauren didn’t take the bait. She stayed on her agenda… AND AFTER A WHILE, ONCE THE APPEAL WAS REALLY IN MOTION, Lauren observed the identical girl– who was now calling LAUREN with updates, generally greater than as soon as a day– was singing a distinct tune. Properly, undoubtedly some new phrases.
Lauren Taylor: She was utilizing we language.
Dan: That’s what we like. Yeah,
Lauren Taylor: proper. So I used to be like, Oh, that is going very nicely. she was like, “we simply must determine this factor out after which we’ll allow them to know.”
“WE” language.
OK, that is nice.
AND it’s like: Wait, how do I really do that? Like, within the second? Like, right here’s Amanda’s query once more:
Amanda Jaffe: I begin to get indignant to some extent the place possibly it’s unproductive. So I would like some steerage easy methods to stay cool when calling insurance coverage corporations.
Dan: YEAH. Me too! Me too.
And Lauren reframed it. She was like: OK, getting indignant, that’s not an issue, not a mistake. It’s a sense that you just’re having. And it’s a extremely cheap feeling to have.
And she or he says Amanda’s nailing it in saying: these emotions in all probability aren’t gonna be super-helpful IN this dialog.
So, you desire a technique. An agenda. A plan.
Lauren Taylor: When you can floor your self in the truth that you’re technique is to stay calm and assured whereas nonetheless being very assertive and chronic. that could be a technique, it doesn’t imply that it’s a must to really feel nice about what’s taking place. or that you just aren’t upset the way in which that individuals are treating you. it simply signifies that as a method, you might be selecting to make use of this persona, this widespread, assured, assertive, persistent persona to try to get what you want.
Dan: So, yeah: You’re gonna be mad. That’s gonna occur. You simply don’t wanna act out these emotions within the dialog. So right here’s the precise ADVICE half: You’re taking these emotions and…
Lauren Taylor: Do them elsewhere. You, you recognize, go for a stroll and pound the pavement. You vent to a pal. Um, in case you have a automotive, you roll up the home windows and drive on a freeway and scream. Um, you discover, you recognize, you discover a place that’s in all probability not alcohol or ice cream too.
Um, To course of these emotions since you don’t need them simply hanging out in you both. That’s not good for you both.
Dan: Which is to say: It might be sensible to have a plan GOING INTO the dialog about the way you’re take care of these emotions afterwards. Possibly even make a plan with any person else. You recognize…
Lauren Taylor: Name a pal or a member of the family who’s in your own home and say, I’m going to get on the cellphone with the medical insurance firm, and we’re going to name you afterwards and vent. Proper. After which, you recognize, I’ve a spot for these emotions. It’s not that I’m squashing
Dan: Proper.
Lauren Taylor: There’s a time for that too.
Dan: I really like that. However in the meantime, right here I’m IN the dialog, and issues are getting furry, and I’m HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
Not so calm, not so assured, NOT SO CALM.
Lauren’s like: Proper. Received you coated. You wish to discover a method that helps you shortly get calm and grounded within the second. She says taking note of her respiration is her go-to, however
Lauren Taylor: My approach of doing it could not be just right for you or her or any person else. Individuals have to seek out what works for them to remain calm and grounded. So only a few concepts. It may be, um, respiration. It may be feeling your toes on the ground. These are my prime two, however it additionally could be, you recognize, some folks saying a fast prayer helps them.
Dan: She’s bought extra:
Lauren Taylor: It may be, orienting your self to the room. Like, what are 5 issues I can see or can I discover three blue issues? After which what’s one factor I can hear. What’s the one factor I can really feel, these orienting issues that maintain you very a lot within the current second and in addition let you recognize, like, this can be extremely upsetting, however proper now I’m really okay. Proper now on this second, I’m really okay. You recognize, I’m possibly scared about shedding my medical insurance. I could also be scared about the place the cash’s going to return from. However in the event you can say to your self, like, Oh proper now, I’m sitting in a room in my condominium and, um, you recognize, My family members are round me or my pets are round me, or I’ve a plan for dinner or I’m going to name a pal proper now I’m okay. So there’s a lot of methods to get current. and I believe that getting current is what may help this girl and everyone else.
Dan: What I hear you speaking about … Like while you say: “get into the current,” it’s like, I’m transferring my consideration. I’m transferring my consideration from this sense that I’m having that wishes to take up my whole subject of consideration. And I’m sort of like reminding myself that there are different issues to present my consideration to. And now that I do know that I can provide my consideration to my technique
I believe one factor that actually strikes me about what you’re saying is … it’s sort of reframing the query. I begin to get indignant to some extent the place possibly it’s unproductive and I believe the way in which that’s framed, is how do I not have the sensation? That’s how I’m studying the questions. The issue is I get indignant. And what I’m listening to you say is like, not an issue.
Lauren Taylor: Not an issue
Dan: You’re getting indignant.
Lauren Taylor: There are actually good causes to be indignant
Dan: YES! For positive. So what you need isn’t to keep away from getting indignant– it’s simply to keep away from getting uncontrolled. You in all probability ARE going to get mad. So that you wish to plan for it.
And to assessment, Lauren’s prime two suggestions are:
One: Have a plan for what you’re gonna do with that anger AFTER the decision. How are you going to take care of it?
And two: Have a few favourite hacks for shortly re-focusing your consideration. To your breath, another sensation, no matter clicks for you.
You’re in all probability gonna wish to WRITE down these tips, observe them, earlier than you get on the cellphone.
I actually love this. And speaking to Lauren, I spotted: Being on the cellphone with the insurance coverage firm– or the medical-billing workplace or whoever else within the medical-industrial complicated you’re speaking with– we’ve bought benefits we don’t have in another self-defense conditions:
One: You’re not in the identical bodily area with that different particular person. They’ll’t see you scrunch up your face, or gently rub your coronary heart, or pet the cat, or silently rely to 10 whereas they’re speaking.
Which is totally different from being face-to-face with any person who might harm you– bodily or emotionally.
And two: You don’t have an ongoing relationship with this explicit particular person. It’s not like telling your mother that you just want her to ask your companion to household gatherings. Or telling your colleague to cease making racist jokes. These are relationships which are going to maintain affecting you. And possibly maintain affecting different relationships.
Right here, you’re like, WHATEVER, nameless insurance-company particular person. Which doesn’t imply you may act like a jerk to them– that’s not going that can assist you. However you do have an escape hatch. When you actually can’t take it any extra with out shedding your cool… you may grasp up and name again later, while you’re prepared, and inform the following particular person, GEE, I bought disconnected earlier than.
I inform Lauren this, and she or he’s like
Lauren Taylor: Yeah, I used to be undoubtedly pondering, you recognize, you may, in case you have, in the event you’re too stuffed up with feeling to be doing one thing that feels helpful, you may completely say, you recognize, I can discuss this anymore. I’ll name, name again one other time.
Dan: Oh yeah. Proper. You don’t have to love pretend, dropping the decision. You may simply say like, wow. I believe I must, I would like a while to digest this. , I’d prefer to name
Lauren Taylor: I’ll name again later.
Dan: YES. I’ll name again later. That’s the place we left issues with Lauren Taylor within the fall of 2020, and it’s all nonetheless super-relevant — as I can attest proper now, with my back-and-forth calls to the hospital and the insurance coverage firm.
One replace: Since we talked, Lauren Taylor has revealed a e book!
Get Empowered: A Sensible Information to Thrive, Heal, and Embrace Your Confidence in a Sexist World was revealed in October 2023, and — though the title means that the e book targets of us with one X chromosome greater than I occur to have — I’m trying ahead to studying it.
We condensed a few of Lauren’s recommendation right into a First Help Package e-newsletter final yr — together with associated suggestions from different superstars. We’ll put a hyperlink within the present notes — you must be capable of discover it wherever you’re listening, and you may join any of our newsletters at arm and a leg present dot com, slash, e-newsletter.
We might be again in three weeks.
Until then, handle your self.
This episode of An Arm and a Leg was produced by me, Dan Weissmann, edited in 2020 by Marian Wang, and for this re-release by Ellen Weiss.
Emily Pisacreta is our senior producer. Adam Raymonda is our audio wizard.
Gabrielle Healy is our managing editor for viewers — she edits the First Help Package e-newsletter.
Sarah Ballema is our operations supervisor. Bea Bosco is our consulting director of operations.
An Arm and a Leg is produced in partnership with KFF Well being Information.
That’s a nationwide newsroom producing in-depth journalism about well being care in America, and a core program at KFF — an impartial supply of well being coverage analysis, polling, and journalism.
You may study extra about KFF Well being Information at arm and a leg present dot com, slash KFF.
Zach Dyer is senior audio producer at KFF Well being Information. He’s editorial liaison to this present.
Due to the INSTITUTE FOR NONPROFIT NEWS for serving as our fiscal sponsor, permitting us to just accept tax-exempt donations. You may study extra about INN at I-N-N dot org.
And due to everyone who helps this present financially. I’m about to shout out FIFTY individuals who donated within the final dozen days of 2023. You prepared?
Thanks this time to… [names redacted].
Thanks a lot!
“An Arm and a Leg” is a co-production of KFF Well being Information and Public Street Productions.
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