Short Days, Long Chainstays – Bike Snob NYC
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We’ve got a shitload of problems here in New York City, and way, way, way down at the bottom of the pile is the smallest problem of them all–horses in the bike lanes:
I haven’t even seen Streetsblog complaining about this, so I can only assume the Post is covering it for two reasons. The first reason of course is the horse puns:
I have neigh problem with that.
And the second reason is that it’s an opportunity for the Post to make cyclists look like whiners and “woosies:”
The extraordinarily remote chance you might get kicked in the head by a horse in New York City is yet another reason you should always wear that helment, just like I do if someone’s paying me and says I have to:
Though the step-through is all me:
In New York City you’re probably more likely to get kicked in the head by a fixie rider doing that leg-over-the-handlebar track bike mounting thing than by a horse, so I’m doing my part by lowering the bar, both literally and metaphorically.
As for the horse carriage drivers, they too have clearly learned that when accused of anything you should always point the finger at ebikes:
Of course horses do occasionally go rogue:
Damn brakeless horses.
More recently, one even ran onto the West Side Highway:
As far as I know a horse has not managed to take out a pedestrian in recent memory, but I imagine there are so few horse-on-pedestrian injuries in the city for the simple reason that there are so few horses. Things were a lot different back in the old days:
[From here–and that’s a good horse pun.]
Regardless, this is clearly a non-problem, but that’s not stopping at least one politician from trying to leverage the non-existent outrage:
Erik Bottcher is of course the same councilmember behind the bold “Slow Your Roll, Respect The Stroll” PSA:
I’m looking forward to his new “Stop The Trot, For A Bike You Are Not” campaign.
As for the city’s bicyclists, they’re too upset about The Puddle to worry about horses. Yes, I’ve long mocked their obsession with a wet patch on the Brooklyn Bridge:
But now their worst nightmare has come true, and it has solidified into a deadly ice patch:
Remember, if you encounter a small patch of ice in the dead of winter while riding your bicycle in New York City, immediately dismount, then lie down to evenly distribute your body weight and slowly crawl across it. As for the bike, you’ll have to just leave that behind, since going back for it is obviously far too treacherous.
Or, you could ride a bicycle with a very long wheelbase when it’s icy out, which is what I do:
Thanks to Rivendell’s long chainstays, unless you encounter a glacier, the chances that both your wheels will ever be on ice at the same time are about the same as your chances of getting kicked in the head by a horse.
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